Day Four

Dear Dylan,

I have news. I wanted you to hear this from me first. The thing is, we have decided against circumcision. I know, i know, all the other kids are doing it. But that doesn’t mean you have to. 

You see, your Mom is from Italy, and they don’t really go for that genital mutilation stuff over there. 

And your Dad likes to make decisions based on evidence. I am kind of funny that way. Turns out that the American Society of Pediatricians (or maybe it was the Mormons, I have forgotten) came out about five years ago saying that it was not medically necessary. And now many insurance companies don’t even cover genital mutilation. So, you can save up money and pay for it yourself if it becomes important to you. But we are holding off for now. 

I think you will thank me for this some day. And i think there is a good chance you will be a trend setter in this regard.

Live long and prosper. 

Love, Dad

 

Dear Dylan,

Earlier I mentioned that your Mom is Italian. And not the kind from Jersey Shore who pronounces Bruschetta – Brewshetta (I noticed the Olive Garden commercials are finally getting it right), but a real full blooded Italian born near the Dolomites and about 40 miles from Venice. That makes you half Italian. 

The other bits are German and Scottish, from my mongrel side of the family.. So, you are a Scotch/German/Italian. I guess that means you are destined to be a cheap megalomaniac with a flair for style. We will have to study which of those powers you should level up first.

On the birth certificate form I wanted to mark you down as Latino. My argument was that Italians created the latin language. You would get so many benefits, and likely a few hardships to go along with it, by having that designation. I think it would have been good for you. But your mother was against it, so I checked the box that said white. I know I already told you that white male is the easiest setting to play the game of life. Try to make the best of it.

There was no box to check about Vulcan ears. 

Live long and prosper.

Love, Dad

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